Over the weekend I talked to a girl who told me about her EX and how HE wants to be “just friends with her.” I was shocked because I have NEVER heard of a guy saying these words to a girl before. It’s normally the other way around. So I am a bit stunned! She also surprised me when she said she took the “I can’t just be his friend stance”

I asked you to answer these questions:

1)Is it possible to go from “more than friends” back to “just friends”

2)Do you think it’s wrong or shallow for her to stand up and say ” I can’t be just friends”

and here are some of the comments:
UPDATE*** I JUST ADDED TWO MORE NEW COMMENTS! At the bottom of page!

A girl named Sam said….1. I never could go back to being friends with my ex it took me 2 years just to become friends with him. And i still hardly talk to him.
2. No its not shallow or wrong she could of really liked this guy or loved him. And you can’t be friends with an ex right after you break up its normal it will take a couple months just to get to be friends maybe

Scotty Says… I was impressed that she didn’t lie and tell him yes only to try to get back “in” with him. I always felt like playing the friends card was being dishonest and kind of slimy!

Kevin said:

1.) Yes
2.) No, Some people need time, the end of a relation is painful some people. They need to grieve and get it out of their system.

Scotty Says…Kevin gives good advice and makes great pizza! www.brooklynboyz.com

Some guy wrote:

If she can’t just be his friend after being in a relationship, she’s kinda immature. The guy would probably be better off not associating with her anymore anyway. I tried to be “just friends” with a former flame, but her own issues complicated that.

The only way I’d see her side of things was if he screwed her around at all or played with her emotions.

And as an aside, if she can’t be just friends with him, she might be clingy and overbearing anyway, in which case, all this is her won fault.

Amanda answered:

) I think its just something people say.
B) Its very mature for a person to be able to say straight up I cant be just friends. Rather than lying to oneself or the other person. So no not wrong or shallow.

Heather said:

I say it is possible to go back to being friends, and I don’t think it’s shallow to not want to be just friends….if she is at the point in her life where she is looking for a serious relationship she may figure she has enough friends (if that’s possible) and wants to focus her attention on someone who wants to be more than friends!

Scotty Says…I think it’s funny when people break up they instantly go from LOVING Someone right to HATING the other person! This normally happens because the relationship is not based on honesty. (we will talk more about that when I feel like typing more.)

William from Pittsburgh said: I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years well she broke up with me because i didnt move in with her yet. I wanted towait until next year when my dad moves in with girlfriend. I take care of him since he can’t work he has cancer and if he bleeds it would be a bad scene so i asked her to at least wait until thenso at least someone would be there to help[.Not only did she break up with me but she also has a daughter that calls me dad which biologically is not mine but i was taking care of her.She the next day wouldnt return my calls and said she needed time to see if she felt this relationship was gonna move forward well of course she text me at 430 and asked me to come over when her friends left and i agreed and she asked me to bring her a bottle which i replied no i dont wanna have a drunk convo which may or may not lad to something meaningless.Well inturn she text and called me at 1130 at night asking me to come over drunk as alll heck.I told her no i had a very important job interview the next day and i told her i was not intrested in a drunken anything she then text me and said leave me and my daughter alone i knew you werent serious.Well the next day she calls me and says can you come up and talk in which i comply because i still care about her. I go to her house where i play with the kid for a while and she says well lets just date and see where it goes.I then look at her like she is crazy whats dating got to do with it but the kicker she doesn’t want me to date anyone else but she doesnt want the title of boyfriend girlfriend but the one thing i didnt mention earlier is we were engaged to be married and we were gonna go to las vegas next month.I would really like some advice on this because i do not get her .

Michelle wrote: Scotty…here’s my insight on the bulletin you posted:

Going back to being just friends from previously dating is a very rough transition, but it is possible. You need to keep in mind that there are going to be very strong feelings present. Keeping those feelings under lock and key are tough…but I’ve learned that it needs to be done.
As for her telling the guy that she can’t be “just friends”…it’s not wrong or shallow. She’s being honest with him and with herself. Back to the strong feelings…she might have them…and she might not want to be around him for a while, until she can rid herself of the strongest feelings.

Do you have a comment? Is it possible to go from “MORE THAN FRIENDS” to “JUST FRIENDS” without someone feeling hurt? Send me a message or email me Scotty@scottysaysradio.com

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So I talked to a girl, (who was in a Grand Prix outfit) but we weren’t at a racetrack. It’s Halloween time that means…..You know, I am NOT sure what that means.

I don’t really understand Halloween at all. I do know it has to be confusing to kids. Parents yell “don’t take candy from strangers, don’t take candy from strangers.” Except on Halloween then its alright! Ha-ha OK???

Anyway this girl was Dressed in a Grand Prix outfit, (this really has nothing to do with the story I just will use this to describe her.) She could have been the girl in the green shirt, but she chose to wear racing gear tonight. (Vrrrrrooomm Vrrrooommm)

She told me about her EX and how HE wants to be “just friends with her.” I was shocked because I have NEVER heard of a guy saying these words to a girl before. It’s normally the other way around. So I am a bit stunned! She also surprised me when she said she took the “I can’t just be his friend stance”

So before I go on, I want you to answer these questions:

1)Is it possible to go from “more than friends” back to “just friends”

2)Do you think it’s wrong or shallow for her to stand up and say ” I can’t be just friends”

Answer these two questions, and then I will tell you the rest of the story.
leave a comment or email me Scotty@scottysaysradio.com

Listen to Scotty@scottysaysradio.com

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Last week I asked the following questions

1)Why does it take girls weeks, sometimes months or years to breakup with someone?

2) If you know it’s not going to work, why not just pull the trigger the second you know it’s over?

I got some interesting answers from some listeners.

Here are some:

Emily wrote:

ANSWER:
*Please note all of this is written in girl logic.
Because relationships are hard. Hurting someone is harder. It is a goal in life (for most women, not all) to find a man, settle down, and have children. When you think a relationship is going well, you will try to do anything and everything to keep that relationship going. If you figure out that he is not the guy for you, there are options to be weighted. Do you go back on the market and become single again (pro, maybe there is something better out there, con, you could be lonely for the rest of your life), do you stay in the relationship you already have locked down (pro, you have security with the guy you are dating, or con you can miss better opportunities), or do you rebound to something you already had (having something is better than nothing). I am going to go out on a limb here and speak for all women, we WANT to be liked, we WANT to be dating someone, and we DON’T want to be alone, BUT as a woman do I settle down with the wrong guy OR take a risk to find the right one. PLUS we do have feelings too, and it does hurt us to hurt your feelings. We end up living with the guilt of hurting you much longer than you even remember our name after a break up. All of these thoughts take time, sometimes weeks, months, or years. Women are most often unexplainable, but you have to admit most men can’t live without us.

Scotty Says… I understand that you said this was “girl logic” but your statement didn’t have much logic in it.

Amy answered:
I think most of us (women) think the other (guy) will “change” magically somehow. Or if we just hold on a little longer circumstances/things will get better… at least I give my response from an optimist point of view.

Scotty Says…YOU can’t change anyone! And you can’t fix a guy! If you want a “fixer-upper” get an old farm house

Trish answered with: Girls are attention whores and you know that cause you see it every weekend. If the guy gives them attention and buys them stuff an calls them 40 times a day than why get rid of him cause that’s what girls crave ATTENTION !! Smart girls would rather be alone until they find Mr. right and not just drag someone along to say they have a boyfriend. Girls love to say they have a boyfriend cause that makes them feel like someone wants them! Sometimes there are things that get in the way like kids, family, house, credit cards that make it hard to just say OK I’M OVER IT so it gets dragged out until you can’t even stand to look at the person anymore

Scotty Says….HAHAHAHAHA

Got an anwser to the questions email me Scotty@scottysaysradio.com

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Why does it take girls weeks, sometimes months or years to breakup with someone?

If you know it’s not going to work, why not just pull the trigger the second you know it’s over?

I want your input and comments for a chapter I am writing for my new book.

If you are a female: Send me a email scotty@scottysaysradio.com and answer these questions for me.

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If you were recently cheated on this is for you:

He cheated on you and you are devastated! I know you you feel foolish and betrayed, but if your relationship was build on the understanding that you both were going to be faithful to one another, and on a foundation of trust and honesty, then his cheating really had nothing to do with you! And the second he decided to do it, it’s over. If your relationship was based on anything other then that then you were setting yourself up to fail!

I want to talk about how to build a stronger better relationship in future. But because you are reading this right now and facing such a traumatic thing, you are not ready for that. Moving on doesn’t mean that you should already go out shopping for a new guy. Jumping into a new relationship just to avoid being alone is NOT the answer, and a rebound or fling will just make you feel worse. It will just make you feel like a “real” relationship is not possible and it will be a reminder of him! I know you don’t want to sit at home thinking about your old relationship but jumping into bed, or into a relationship with someone new will NOT help you get over anything. You may have convinced yourself that he was “the one” but keep in mind if he was, you would still be together. In reality he is “the one that cheated” (Ouch, that hurts!)Yes the wounds are fresh! You will feel all kinds of real emotions, and you might forget to do some basic things like…. breathing, eating, and living. I know you don’t want to sit at home thinking about your old relationship but jumping into bed, or into a relationship with someone new will NOT help you get over anything. It’s just like when you refinish or paint a table. You must strip away all of the old varnish because if you just paint over it, it will just bubble up and peal off. Then you will have to paint the whole thing all over again! Before you are ready for a new relationship, it is important to fix, strip, and remove all the built up emotional sediment remaining from your previous relationships. How do you do this? First, you can start by being alone for more than two days! Just like second-hand furniture, it takes time to restore something to “like new” condition. This includes you, too.

When you are ready to start seeing someone, it’s important to avoid starting a relationship with someone who hasn’t completely cleaned out the emotional junk remaining from his or her former relationship! Just like you they need time to heal. Sure you will be able to get them in an emotional headlock and in turn claim dominance over the relationship because they in a weakened mental state. Its easy to manipulate and trick someone into thinking they need you when they are not thinking right! But you should remember this and do the right thing. Dating someone who isn’t ready could cause them to flake out and cheat because they haven’t faced THEIR problems. Then you are back where you started from. So please go to the beginning of this post and read this whole thing again!

www.scottysaysradio.com

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WARNING: In this post the words “Guys” are not meant not include all guys, just those who lie…which is all guys! So i guess I AM saying “ALL GUYS” when I type the word guys. (OK I am exhausted, can I quit talking now?

I get a ton of questions from women about guys. The one question I get the most is, “why do guys lie?” There’s no denying, guys lie. (Women lie, too, but we’ll deal with them later). but why do guys lie?

GUYS LIE BECAUSE OF WOMEN.

Guys lie:

1. To get sex from women.
2. To impress women….so they can get sex from women
3. To avoid conflict……so they can get sex from women
4. To get out of doing something….so they can think about getting sex from women
5. To get money so they can….(see 1-4)

The truth in all this, is somewhat disappointing. Guys lie because women want them to lie!
How can I say this? This must sound ridiculous, but it’s just a fact. Women want guys to lie to Them! (This is where you say, NOT all women, Like you are the exception to the rule!) I bet that YOU want guys to lie to you too! You say you want honesty but you don’t want the truth! You want “girl honesty.” Which is: something that sounds truthful but doesn’t hurt your feelings. Am I being mean? Ha-ha sorry, I am just being honest and that’s what you want that right? Of course he lies. You wouldn’t have it any other way. He has to lie. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have even gotten past the first date. The whole dating/courtship process is based around lying. Dates are nothing but job interviews with food. Society calls it “manners” or having respect for the other people. But you truly had respect for someone. You would not find it necessary to lie and put on a fake act.

I am aware that every young girl dreams that her prince charming to gallop up on his white stallion. But this is a fairy tail and just like what the horse will leave on your driveway. Crap! If you want to be swept off your feet, you can’t be upset when you land on your butt. Let me say this, you want romance, and will get it. Guys will line up to show you what they will do, to win your love. But listen to me; no guy alive would have a candlelight dinner if he didn’t think it would impress you. It’s the typical love story of boy meets girl. Boy meets girl. Boy does everything he can to impress girl. Girl falls in love. Over time girl realizes that boy has changed (Which is not true because he hasn’t been being himself since the beginning) How could he be himself. Remember, he WANTED to impress you and win your love! Then over time you get upset because “he just isn’t as romantic anymore” or “he doesn’t do all those things he used to do” He only did them because you him wanted to. He is giving you what you want, so in return he can get what he wants. Can you guess what that is? (Even the prince in sleeping beauty didn’t wait for her to wake up before he tried getting a little action!)

Guys have been going out of their way to impress women ever since the first dumb caveman figured out that he would get to mate with the cute cave women if he impressed by giving her the shiniest rock. (He also ended up re-arranging the furniture in the cave every few weeks because it needed a cave women’s touch. UGG UGH, which means, “I think it would look better if the sitting rock was closer to the bone pile, in cave woman talk.) I am pretty sure you don’t want to believe this (because that would make you shallow) but your love IS for sale and always has been. But payment doesn’t have to be just cash, a big house or presents. You might want a candlelight dinner, or a moonlight walk. These are all forms of payment to buy your love. Guys act romantic because he knows that’s what you want. It’s expected! A guy doesn’t take moonlight walks unless he is with a girl, or is looking for worms so he can go fishing the next day. By asking him to do these things you are asking him to lie and be dishonest.

Now you are probably saying “no, I am not asking him to be dishonest, making him do things for me isn’t lying. I am just a princess and deserve to be treated like one.” (do you realize there is a website that will actually make you a REAL princess? www.becomearealprincess.com It’s sad! But if you are going to act like a princess, you might as well have the papers to prove it!) OK your highness, if you believe you are royalty that’s fine, but keep in mind that nobody tells the princess the truth because they don’t want to lose their head. You should do the same. Think about, he shouldn’t have to go out of his way to impress you. The right guy will naturally do this. Not by what he does, but how he does it, through honesty, trust, compassion and just by being himself. NOT jumping through hoops. If what he naturally doesn’t impress you then you are asking him to be someone he is not. Guess what? YOU ARE ASKING HIM TO LIE!

Let’s not forget about surprises. Do you love surprises? I never understood them, it all seems like a big lie to me. Your birthday rolls around but nobody notices! You are expecting people to say something, but hour after hour nothing. By 6:00 you feel like nobody loves you. You walked into your house and suddenly the lights turn on and everyone jumps out and yells “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Now, you feel loved! But you were tricked into believing that for almost the entire day that no one cared and everyone forgot about you and how did that feel? Are surprises really necessary? Once again its OK to lie here but it’s NOT OK to lie and cheat on you. I have to tell you dumb boys are not that smart! There needs to be a line drawn. There should not be occasions where lying is OK and other times where it’s the worst thing you can do to someone. “How could you do this to me? “ I guess being dishonest is OK if the lie is attached to some kind of surprise gift or party. (Look I bought you a diamond tiara.)

Now let’s go over this one more time. The party’s over, and its time for you to decide, do you want honesty or not? If YOU get to pick and chose when and where honesty is important, you can’t be surprised when he does the same and chooses to lie and cheat on you.

Why do guys lie? Because women want them to lie!

copyright 2007 scotty says inc.

www.scottysaysradio.com

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He cheated on you and you are devastated! You could be feeling all kinds of emotions which includes sadness, embarrassment, anger, hopelessness, the urge to jump off a bridge and the need for revenge! (Which is the urge to push HIM off a bridge.) Truth be know, you feel like crap! Being cheated on is perhaps the worst feeling in the world. It could even rival natural childbirth. (So I hear, not that I haven’t been cheated on, but I can’t experience childbirth natural or other wise, because I AM A BOY! Cheating is a kick in the gut, (or lower) which if this is the case it pain might rival childbirth! Where the pain could last for years! There is a pretty good chance, in the back of your mind, you are wondering if there could have been something YOU could have done to prevent this from happening. You might be feel like it’s “all your fault”, or you may feel like a fool! You let this man into your life. You trusted him with your innermost emotions, your trust, your love and maybe even your girl-part! You were emotional invested and worked very hard to make the relationship a happy one. He knew all of this and he chose to deliberately take actions to harm you. He violated your trust and he voluntarily took steps to betray you. Why would he do this?

How do you get over cheating?

We will talk about this and more on Scottysaysradio.com

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Today Mason and I got a phone call from a girl who asked “If my boyfriend doesn’t answer his cell phone when he’s with me….doe’s it mean he’s cheating on me???”

Most of you said YES!

I like the fact that you guys don’t just jump to conclusions….hahaha

Answer the question “If my boyfriend doesn’t answer his cell phone when he’s with me….doe’s it mean he’s cheating on me???”

email me at scotty@scottysays.com

and listen to Scottysaysradio.com

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Why do we judge the success of someone by if they are in a relationship or not?

If someone is single does that mean something is wrong with them?

Are we so controlled by hormones, desire to breed, and peer pressure that we HAVE to be in a relationship or be unhappy?

Can someone NOT be bitter or hurt and still want to be single?

I ask these questions, because these are the main reasons why most people get into relationships with the wrong people!

Let’s talk about this and more on scottysaysradio.com

coming up on scottysaysradio.com

Unhappy people expecting a relationship to make everything all better.

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For years I have been asking women, “Why do you think you are a princess?” and for just as long I have been telling them that they will never be a real princess!! Why live in a dreamland and wish for something that could NEVER come true.

Well today I found this website…and I want to cry!

Becomearealprincess.com

According to the site, YOU CAN BE A REAL PRINCESS!! NOOOOO!!!!!

I am saddened by the fact that girls want to be a real princess but I guess, if you are going to act like one, and tell people that you ARE a princess, you might as well have the papers to prove it.

I am going to go jump off a bridge now…….

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